Failed Volvo Towbar - Help!

[RMulcaster]

Hi, I'm new to this group, though have used other owners club forums with when we had other cars.
We have a 2009 XC60 D5 AWD S which we bought from a volvo dealership in 2014. it didnt come with a towbar so at point of purchase we also paid volvo to fit a volvo original part detachable towbar, which i now know to be a Thule / Brink.
We regularly (2-3 times a week) tow the kids ponies around in a normal sized iforWilliams pony trailer (the small one) and i do the occasional towing of our single axle small trailer (max 750kg) for general purposes.

Owing to the frequency of use, especially so in the last two years, the towbar has just been left mounted and hasn't been taken out at all. This never used to be the case in the early days when the kids were smaller

I had noticed a degree of rattle of the towball in the sleeve but did nothing about it; it was barely noticeable on the twin axle pony trailer, but very noticeable on the small single axle trailer (which are generally less stable and more reliant on the towbar than a twin axle).

This last MOT, our regularly garage mechanic advised me to get it looked at as he was not a towbar specialist but MOTs can be failed for excessive play. So i took it to the local towbar centre who took 1 look at it and wrote it off without getting on his knees! he said it wasn't safe to tow anything with it. He wanted to sell me a new one.
So i booked into see volvo again - the original dealership. I wanted to know why it had happened - clearly it needs fixing but i don't want to repeat the same failure.
Volvo could not tell me why it had happened except to say it was rare and that I would need a new "Towbar assembly"which would cost in the region of £800. This didn't mean new electrics, but did mean a complete replacement of the 4' steel bar, attached sleeve and the towball.

Clearly i now own a 10 year old car and unlikely to do this, so opting for local towbar specialist is preferable (circa £350 for a fixed flange towbar, or £450 for a Westfalia detachable).

I even contacted Brink UK - to me it seemed quite possible to remove the sleeve from the 4' cross bar and replace with new (only 3 bolts), and together also change the towball, thereby replacing all parts that are worn. "Not possible" says Brink when it is a volvo Original part, which was the same message from the mechanic.


Questions I need help with:

1. It is possible to purchase a new towball and sleeve and fit to an existing 4' cross bar? Or is this a case of volvo protecting their market on these parts? (seems very wasteful of resources and labour time to me).

2. Everyone i have spoken with (MOT man, Towbar specialist, and volvo) say this is an extremely rare issue and that I should replace with a detachable and move on. But bloke on the phone at Brink UK says he gets at least 1 a week of this exact issue.
DO i replace like for like?? or go for a fixed towbar??
Independant Towbar specialist openly stated that Brink/thule towbars are not regularly fitted by them as they feel that the westfalia system is stronger / more durable. Anyone any experience of this??

3. What did I do wrong over 5 years to cause the towbar to fail like this?
not remove it?
not clean it?
not grease it? / grease it too much??
Use it too often!! (Yes maintenance man at volvo said it can be caused by "Towing" FFS!)
Knowing the answer to this would be really helpful.

Overall, with 5 + years of motoring, my wife is really happy with her volvo and still doesn't want to change it for anything newer (suits me fine ) and I'd have to agree its been a fab vehicle, but this towbar issue has really dissapointed and we need it sorting out.

Very grateful for all of your collective wisdom and thanks for reading!

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