Bob - the 85% suggestion comes from ensuring the tail doesn't wag the dog - which is more noticable when going downhill than up.
I have seen plenty of rig loaded up to the hilt - yet towed responsibly and safely. I have also seen far more which are badly loaded with more weight distribution yet towed behind a car capable to towing far more.
The weight issue I think clouds the responsibilities when towing. A well balanced twin axle heavy load beats a badly loaded single axle in my book.
With regards to youngsters - you put a horse box on a 4*4 and you are approching 3500KG - a Disco 3 comes in at 2700KG!!
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